The Beginning...It's time

Well here I am, at 12:10 in the morning on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009. Ready to finally come clean with everyone that I know and like about what is really up with me. Here I am sitting one week from my 19th birthday, ready to make some serious change in my life for the 2nd consecutive year. This time last year, it was packing up my life back home for a new life in Pullman, WA. Didn't know what to expect, what was going to happen, but ready for the change. That change ended up being the greatest year of my life, which has me determined to make this year even better by making just as big of a change.

Here I am, pledging, on the earth that is the internet, to change my lifestyle. I am tired of being as heavy as I am, inhibiting everything that is me, the pain of being incredibly overweight, I'm sick of it. It's time for me to change it. And it starts with a couple of things. First, fessing up to 1 big lie.

1: My weight. it's embarrassing for me. I tell everyone that I weigh in the 280-290 range, but I'm not fooling anyone, so here's the truth. I weigh 355 pounds. This is the hardest fucking thing in the world for me to admit, get out there in the open, but I know it starts here. I don't want to hide it, because if I can't trust others to be respectful for this tough time, then how can I expect them to fully help me. Simply put, I cannot. So that is the biggest thing for me to admit.

My life up until entering college was tougher than most could imagine, and mainly because I made it that way. I have 2 wonderful loving parents, I've been given almost everything I could have ever imagined, but I was never ever happy growing up. I was always depressed, sad, upset, pissed off, whatever, I just put on a hell of an act. I wasn't happy, and more than anything, I never really felt that outside of my family, I ever had those people that truly cared about me, that really meant more to me than myself, that I knew would do anything for me to be understanding and help me succeed. That changed, until I got to WSU. Wazzu has blessed me with incredible opportunities to meet extraordinary people, and meet friends that mean more to me than people back home I have known all of my life.

So back to my weight. This unhappiness back home, along with being an emotionally unstable child (this sounds like I'm a moody chick, embarassing), that I turned to food and used it as comfort. It was the only thing that ever gave me satisfaction, but I never fully realized the implications that it would have on me. That is until it started to affect the things I loved to do. Giving up playing all my sports was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Getting a bigger pants size than my father was downright embarassing. Getting to the highest weight I was ever at in 374, having stretch marks that embarass the shit out of me, killer. depressing. awful. Ending up now, well, I find it pathetic. I never thought I would get to this point, never ever fathomed that I could end up like this, and yet, here I am.

It's time to change. Change is good.

I am challenging myself to do something that will take more willpower, determination, and dedication than anything else I have ever done. This is the biggest steps I have ever taken in my young life, and this could very well be the hardest thing I could ever do. But I can't give up this time. I won't give up this time. I will succeed.

So here is what I'm doing.

I currently weigh 355. By the time I graduate from Washington State, I will weigh 230. that is 125 pounds in 3 years. BMI's say that this is still obese, and that a normal weighted person for my height is 187. I haven't weighed that since I was a 7th grader. I don't see that happening, I'm just not built for it. But 125 pounds in 3 years is no small task, an approximation of about 42 pounds per year. But I know I can do it. But this blog is because I need your help. I need words of encouragment, I need all the advice and help I can get. And most of all, I need moral support. The biggest things that my weight has affected are my personal life and my health. I, to this date, have not had a girlfriend at WSU, and it would be naive to think that is not due to the fact that I am not the most attractive person that the world. I want this to change. It will change.
Second, my health. I hate looking in the mirror, I hate the size clothes I wear, I hate shopping in the "Big and Tall" section, I hate the fact that my health now puts me in serious risk of health problems at a younger age. This is the most important and serious of everything.


Rewards:

A greatly improved health
A happier love life

I also plan on rewarding myself along the way. The biggest mistake that I make is oh so much fast food and eating out. From this time forward, I will begin by limiting myself to buying only 1 meal out a week, the other money I will put away, save up, so that when I get out of school, I should be able to buy myself a new car for a graduation present. I want to put this money in a savings account so that I don't have access to it, and it hsould be definitely worth while.

I want to thank my friends at school for helping me with this. If it wasn't for you guys truly caring for me, I wouldn't have the strength to do this. I'm tired of looking like I do, and you guys are there to help me, I know you are.

Things I want from you guys:

1) To help me any chance you can. Big or small, all help is worth it.
2) I can use all the workout buddies I can. Let me know when you are going at all times, I need to start going a ton, especially at school.
3) Continue to be great friends. You guys mean a ton to me, I don't know what I would do without you.

Thanks to Jared for really helping me during the last school year, I did lose about 25 pounds at school this year with his help and natural increasing in exercise from walking all over Pullman, and thanks to Kelli for helping me get started by providing me with a workout plan. It's been a huge help.

I plan on keeping everyone updated on a regular basis as a way of keeping me honest, and to the plan.


Stephen